This is the entrance wound where the Stint was inserted into my heart. Saved my life on 1/26/20
I had a heart attack on Sunday afternoon, I am 58 years old and I come from a family of bad hearts! But in all my worries and complaints about how I was feeling, with the family history out loud that never was considered. Even through the recent high blood pressure, Kaiser kept me for an hour and sent me home. I think because my dr. said we would talk about changing my blood pressure medicine to something that worked better. That was over a month ago, I blamed anxiety for the way I was feeling. I can actually hear myself talking about how it comes out of nowhere all the time. The self talk I was having while walking around town having a heart attack! OMG, seriously, the deal I made as I left Water Street Bistro aiming for Della. That if it was too bad I could step to the right before crossing the street and find a chair in the gallery for a moment to catch my breath. If I could just make it across the boulevard to the fountain. I knew I would run into someone that would take my card into the memorial for Kathleen’s family. I was just beginning to realize I might be scared.
REALLY IMPORTANT I think as women we are designed to be really tough. It’s not just the power to create life that makes us this way. That is just a sliver of the pie, childless women have the same powers. But when it comes to ourselves, we are second on the list. It is an education I think from long ago, but let me say this. I believe that message is part of the reason we can miss it all around the health of our own hearts! The way we care for ourselves, it is not a jab, it is not a broken part but the truth about our ability to put others first and some times always.
We are blind to our own cry for help!
I made deal after deal with myself, if I could only get there, I could do 5 minutes. Repeating in my head! I made it that long in the end. Going in with friends, until the whisper in my ear from Ether (guardian angel since childhood) “You need to get out of here, you are not intended to be the main event!”, I acted immediately and left. I have always bragged as a chronic pain patient I bring my smile where ever I go. No matter what I am feeling, I smile. This I know for sure, after almost dying there are so many things I see right now! RIGHT NOW, that I did not see when I should have. Those screams of WARNING. I can see them, and this is just the beginning. So many of my friends have asked “What did you feel?” Asking for answers to their own fears about knowing early enough, if they will understand and act fast?
I plan to share it all, using my need for honesty. I am exercising that muscle while I let my heart heal!
Time for a nap